I've made an important discovery since submitting my story to Harlequin two weeks ago. It will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me that I've let self-doubt keep me from pursuing publication. Now that I have the time to devote to my writing, I'm working on overcoming that obstacle.
Part of what's held me back is the traditional fear of failing. We all know how that one goes. If you don't try, you haven't really failed. You haven't stepped up to the plate and been told you just didn't have what it takes.
I finally pushed past that fear and submitted my story. Like many other writers, I'm now in the position of waiting to hear back from a publisher. Waiting to hear whether they are interested in publishing my story. However, unlike other writers I'm not stalking my email, waiting for a response.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
I find myself not thinking about my submission at all. When I do remember it, I have to force myself to open Outlook to check my email. And despite what many might think, I'm not afraid that my story will be rejected. I know it's a good story, but I also know good stories are rejected all the time. Just not right for that line. They've purchased too many stories set in the regency era recently and want something different. Too similar to a story they've just purchased.
No, I find myself more afraid that Harlequin will want to buy my story. After all these years, I've realized I'm not afraid of failing. I'm afraid of succeeding.
Sigh. I know it's not logical, but fears seldom conform to logic. I found an article about fear of success for writers that confirmed my new discovery. For others who may also be dealing with this fear, you can find that article here.
I suppose the good news is now that I've identified my true stumbling blocks I can work on overcoming them. One day, and one fear at a time.
6 comments:
That is actually more logical than you may think; it's fear of the unknown, as well. I mean, fear of being rejected.. we've all been rejected at some point in our life; either by a guy (or girl), by a credit card company, by a publisher, by a job opportunity. What's different is the success part. The TRUE success, with a big name behind it like Harlequin. HOLY FREAKING CRAP.
I agree with you. I think, if I were in remotely the same shoes as you are right now, I would be mixed with anxiety, dread, nervousness that kept me up at night. Because at the same time as WANTING this, you are also thinking "oh f---" at the prospect of it actually WORKING.
Totally not illogical, definitely not. Crazy? Absolutely.
Because even though it's a big deal, even though it could mean book signings and tours and deadlines for more, it could also be really really great. You have a GIFT, Saoz. It's not one that others often have, and if they do, they have to work so hard at it to bring themselves up to a quality as great as you.
Interesting, I had that exact same fear. I was terrified I had only one good story in me, and I'd never come up with a story as good or they thought was as good.
Interesting how our fears can take us down the strangest roads. Unfortunately, fortunately (?), I never found out. Perhaps I'll get my chance again someday soon. :)
Christi - Logical, but crazy. I think you just described me to a T! :)
I know people who think I'm insane for feeling this way. It would be so easy to give into that fear. The thought, however, of giving up and not writing at all is even more frightening. I just can't imagine never writing another story or book, and I imagine you feel the same way.
Lachesis - We both know that's not true, but I can definitely understand your fear.
You'll get there when you're ready. I'm confident of that. Until that time, you're still writing and bringing much enjoyment to others. :)
Oh, but it IS very logical. I say this because I feel the same way.
Not that I have the expirience of submitting it, but just thinking about it, thinking about succeding, can be more "frightning" than being rejected.
I guess it doesn't apply only to writing, because, for example, when I was unemployed and searching for a job, I didn't sleep the night before I started my new job. It was worse than not getting the job.
It's weird, and sorry to make this comparisson, but I thinks it makes sense.
Yep, it's the fear of the unknown. I've come to realize perhaps it's not so crazy after all.
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